1. WOULD ANYBODY LIKE TO READ THE OFFICIAL FBI FIELD GUIDE TO TORTURE? For some time now, the American Civil Liberties Union has been attempting to view FBI documents on interrogation practices. So far the FBI has offered up a 70-page document that is so heavily redacted that it’s largely useless for the ACLU’s purposes (namely, determining whether the agency’s techniques are unconstitutional). It turns out that an unredacted, freely available edition has been sitting at the Library of Congress since 2010. Why? Because the author filed a copyright claim on the work. Which is confusing, since US government publications are copyright-free. I bet somebody in the FBI is envying Justine Sacco right now.
2. GOODBYE MR. BRONFMAN. Edgar Bronfman Sr., the Canadian-born billionaire, died Saturday. The story says that he was “surrounded by family,” which is how all these wealthy old people seem to go. When I die, I want my obituary to read “besieged by family.” I also want it to read “Mr. Morgan’s body will be trebucheted in a random arc and direction next Thursday. Funeral services will be held at whatever spot he lands.” My tombstone will simply say “Wheeeeeeeee.”
3. STOP WATCHING THE NEW BEYONCÉ VIDEOS AND READ THIS. What is this “this” I refer to? Why it’s an oral history of Sir Mix-a-lot’s 1992 callipygian call-out to big backsides. So when you resume your evening of watching Beyoncé Knowles back her posterior into the camera lens, you can draw an assured cultural line between her record-breaking iTunes album and “Baby Got Back.” And if you’re not listening to/watching the new Beyoncé album, just what are you doing with your holidays? Get on that.
4. HOW THE HELL DOES BLACKBERRY STILL HAVE $3.2 BILLION IN CASH ON HAND? Because they posted a quarterly loss of $4.4 billion. I’m no economathemagician, but that strikes me as a lot of money.
5. YOUR INADEQUATE COOKIE. Over at Serious Eats, one man set himself the task of creating the perfect chocolate chip cookie. He came up with a recipe so complicated and time-consuming that no one in the world could possibly follow it. I’ll let you know how it goes.
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