Greetings. The year 2015 has begun. So far it’s been exactly like 2014, but possibly slightly worse. But a few bits of news have stood out. Here are some things made me smile, frown, cry-laugh, cry-eat and sleep-write.
1. GRATEFUL PALESTINIANS MAKE HIGH-VELOCITY DIY OMELETTE FOR JOHN BAIRD Dozens of Palestinians welcomed John Baird to Ramallah by serving him the world’s fastest, least prepared egg dish, pelting his convoy with eggs and shoes as he drove to a meeting with Palestinian Foreign Minister Riad Malki. “We know you’re very busy, so please accept these ingredients for our traditional shoe-egg fritatta!” they shouted as he passed by. Later, Baird napped on a towering midden of children’s skulls.
2. TWITTER NOW FEATURES A ‘CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE’ ADVENTURE Try it out, Twitter people (“tweople”): go to @wnd_go and begin your adventure. It’s relatively short because nearly every pathway in the branching maze of choices leads to horrific death, which is pretty much how i remember those books. Ah, sweet childhood.
3. ONCE MORE, YOU CAN DIAL A SONG ’90s Indie music group They Might Be Giants have resurrected Dial-a-Song, their goofy and charming service that lets you listen to a new song every week over the phone. Remember phones? Give it a try. (844) 387-6962.
4. ALL QUIET ON THE WEEDY FRONT Marijuana legalization is turning a year old this month, and so far all seems well. The dire consequences (rampant pot use, accident fatalities, ‘Reefer Fever’) predicted by legalization opponents have largely failed to materialize. I’d be more worried about the retail supply chain for junk food than anything else.
5. WHY DID THIS HAPPEN? Why did someone (filmmaker Isaac Royffe) make a supercut of Angela Lansbury epiphanies from Murder She Wrote? Why is it an entire hour long? Why did I watch so much of it? Am I going to finish it, and if so, why? What terrible power does Angela Lansbury hold over us? Why is it fascinating to watch hundreds of versions of Lansbury making that ‘a-ha’ face? Why are you watching it right now? If not, why not? Please answer each one of these questions using a standard No. 2 HB pencil and submit to prairie dog magazine. Please print legibly in complete sentences.