1 SOMEBODY DROWNS WHILE MOWING THE GRASS This happened in Florida, not Regina, surprise, surprise. (justnews.com)

2 THE REAL ISSUES OF THE DAY The Delaware Republican candidate in November’s mid-term congressional election is a 41-year-old single woman who’s apparently obsessed with masturbation. (Bob Cesca) In other news the whereabouts of Dana Carvey are unknown.

MediaMatters, a U.S. website that critically examines the American media, is having so much fun as what’s left of the Republican establishment trying to fight off the Tea Party’s hostile takeover.

3 TO HELL WITH DECORUM, THINK OF THE RATINGS! While Canadians think their parliamentary governance is pretty nasty, (Toronto Star) what’s happening now is nothing compared to Louisiana, where a candidate has challenged the incumbent to a mixed-martial-arts cage match (Fox News … where else?)

4 BETCHA YOU DON’T KNOW WHO REALLY WON THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR … South Carolina. Republicans. The Confederacy. Slavery. Yup. They went there. (Think Progress)

5 NEWSPAPER SORRY FOR PORTRAYING MUSLIMS PEOPLE AS REAL PEOPLE, NOT AS SUICIDAL TERRORISTS A newspaper in Portland, Maine publishes a story and photos about Muslims commemorating Ramadan. A couple of days later, the newspaper apologizes to its readers for running the article (Time).

6 EX-SNLER CLAIMS AMERICA’S ULTIMATE FEMINIST IS CARIBOU BARBIE Victoria Jackson’s dumb blonde schtick really didn’t do much for me when she was on Saturday Night Live … now, let’s say she needs help. Not, “she needs a comedy writer” help, but ‘seriously, change the medication’ help. (Wonkette)