In this increasingly virtual age, where families can be avoided by means of Skype and drones will deliver vitamins and/or rain copper-jacketed death upon you from the sky, we seem to have forgotten that the technology has already peaked with the virtual Yuletime fireplace. Who could have thought that one day we’d be able to summon up flames on a screen? If we had to show one thing to cavepeople that they’d genuinely lose their animal skins over, I’d choose the virtual fireplace every time. Let’s face it, the only thing better than fire is the image of fire, a spectacle held in abeyance, an all-consuming force imprisoned within pixels – you know, something that looks cool but won’t burn you. Take that, logs and paper and kindling, you think as family members slowly slip off to sleep on the couch or finally, having exhausted all safe topics of conversation, start expounding on their frankly racist theories of how society should work.
The problem is that we’re jaded. Virtual fire has become background entertainment, the thing you switch to when the sports and the Jimmy Stewart have run out. How do you freshen things up?
I give you: Shit Fireplace, the only holiday fire you need.
Shit Fireplace’s mission appears to the burning of shit: not literal shit, but the junky old crap that piles up around you and makes you wonder why humanity is permitted to manufacture anything at all. Chip bags, bed posts, old vinyl, decorative knick-knacks: if it’s sitting in a box in your grandparents’ garage, Shit Fireplace will burn it. Visit their YouTube page for a full list of incinerated items. Also of note: Shit Fireplace is the brainchild of Eric Hill and Jeff Meldrum, local Regina residents and owners of great hair. If you see them on the street, tell them how much Shit Fireplace has added to your life. Or leave an encouraging comment on YouTube.
The ultimate question is, can Shit Fireplace withstand the unleashed power of all the shitty items it consumes? Can it stand in the fire and never get burned? The answer may surprise you! Or it may not.
You’ve still got a few days of festive Yule-ish celebration before the new year ticks over and 2017 sputters to life like your dad’s stupid old lawnmower, so spend time with Shit Fireplace. I promise you, things start getting real around 2:41 and they don’t let up until the fire is done. Oh, and stick around for the 21:35 mark for an Inception-level moment that will blow your tiny mind.
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