Six In The Morning: No YOU’RE Sarcastic

Six!1 CONNAUGHT BE SAVED? Well hey, a 100-year-old Regina school might be demolished. Cool! I see a historic building, I know my first thought is SEND IN TEH DOZERS SMASHY SMASHY!!!!! And yet, weirdly, a lot of locals want to preserve this old school.  Then again, people in this town get excited about digging holes. Don’t you hippies know it’s best to bulldoze everything beautiful so our children learn to keep their expectations in life low? And let’s not lose sight of the fact that Regina isn’t OUR city; it’s a profit vector for construction barons and resource magnates. All you dirty proles should be happy just to have schools.

(But seriously, if you give a shit get involved here.)

2 YESTERDAY’S SEAFOOD Walmart apologizes and Safeway audits its inventory after CBC finds outdated tins of tuna and shrimp on Vancouver grocery shelves. Public safety is apparently not in danger; public icky-feelings, on the other hand, are on the rise. The solution is obvious: we’ve got to get rid of best before labeling.

3 SASKATCHEWAN SENATOR HAS AN ONTARIO HEALTH CARD But I’m sure Pamela Wallin still meets legal residency requirements. SOOO sure! Come ON you guys she NEEDS an Ontario health card because she travels a lot… wait, forget I said that.

4 LEWD AND RUDE What is going on with everyone? The UK’s top Catholic is essentially forced to resign after obviously fellacious accusations of “inappropriate acts”. Meanwhile there’s all this salacious gossip about an alleged gay conclave in the Vatican. WHY ARE YOU DIRTY-MINDED HOOLIGANS SO SUSPICIOUS? Obviously there’s NOTHING naughty going on in the Church! These smears against pious sex abstainers and anti-birth control declaimers were clearly spread by homosexual agendavists.

5 TEN-DIGIT DIALING IS NOT LAME!!!!!!! You guys! Why does everyone here hate progress?

6 WE’RE #55! Canada is almost in the top 50 countries that are awesome at open government. That’s 50 out of, how many countries in the world? I’m gonna say two million. WOOOO!

BONUS: OSCAR FASHIONS Celebrity style has rarely looked so Oniony.

Oscars Fashion Report: Kathryn Bigelow Stuns On Red Carpet Wearing Blood-Soaked Rags Osama Bin Laden Was Killed In

Author: Stephen Whitworth

Prairie Dog editor Stephen Whitworth was carried to Regina in a swarm of bees. He's been with Prairie Dog since May 1999 and will die at his keyboard before admitting his career a terrible, terrible mistake.

7 thoughts on “Six In The Morning: No YOU’RE Sarcastic”

  1. #2 it’s only moeney well spent. the leg is 111? yrs old tear it down too. That white building on 23 & Albert is approaching 50.
    The “tree farm” on Hillsdale & 23rd ave. Has TO Go. What a waste of Gov’t Money & City Land.

  2. I would be beyond fucking cool with raising taxes to renovate a hundred-year-old school. And my taxes would still only be raised a metaphoric micron of what they’re gonna be for a new fucking stadium. Oh, but maybe we should start charging user fees for our kids to go to school, then. Yeah, that’s the goddam ticket.

  3. Fixing the old school will be cheaper than building a new one, and the “new” scheme they have for schools has been utilitzed and then abandoned in other juridictions (because it doesn’t work). No matter what data they present I find it impossible to believe that it will be cheaper to build new, not without cutting corners and building a piece of you know what that won’t last a decade. Not to mention that Connaught has historical significance and shouldn’t be torn down. We seem to be systematically destroying all traces of our past and building new crap in it’s place (not all new stuff is crap, but most of the stuff getting built here seems to be). It’s funny how short sighted the school board seems to be, not to mention how many people in this City seem to only look at the finacial costs of something, not the loss of history, not the effect on the children of this school that will be built for a very specific style of teaching which doesn’t work for most kids, or the environmental impact of building an all new school when there is a beautiful old one already there. Very frustrating.

  4. Everyone remembers, don’t they, that school boards in this province can no longer set their own mill rates? That means that school division’s budgets are set by the province, so they have very little wiggle room when it comes to capital expenditures.

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