1 TORIES PUMMEL THE POSTIES Glarrrgh. If the Conservatives gave a crap about Canada Post employees they wouldn’t be legislating them back to work, they’d be bringing in mediators. The union continued to deliver mail during their labour action, it was the Canada Post corporation that shut the mail down. Legislate Canada Post back to work. Geez.

2 PAKISTAN, YOU ARE A DICK You totally were Bin laden’s pally-wally. But this is no surprise, we already knew you were a dick. Dicky dick dickenhoffer!

3 EGYPT, YOU ARE ALSO KIND OF A DICK The sane, secular minority of the country is justifiably irritated. Pro tip: democracy is based on majority consensus but reality is not.

4 CONRAD IN THE COURTHOUSE Black is back before a judge. Will he be sent back to jail?

5 THEY’RE PRAYING UP A STORM IN MANITOBA SCHOOLS Unlike Saskatchewan, I’m sure. Anyway. Read all about it.

6 MEANWHILE IN HOCKEYLAND The Philedelphia Flyers blew up their team real good yesterday, trading all star Jeff Carter to Columbus (YAY!) and captain/face of the flyers Mike Richards to Los Angeles. Then they signed a real goalie, Ilya Bryzgalov, the player who once went through the entire league on waivers (and I still can’t grok why Tampa didn’t nab him). Also, the Winnipeg Whatsits/Manitoba Mysteries will prrrobably announce their team name just before the draft tonight . Here’s a suggestion: WINNIPEG JETS.