1 THE MIGHTY FALL Egypt’s former president Hosni Mubarak is wheeled into court in a stretcher in a cage (that was a new one to type) to face charges that he’s a corrupt rat who ordered protesters killed. He faces the death penalty if convicted. he says he’s innocent.
2 SHE’S A
WITCH SEPARATIST! BURN HER! The federal NDP and interim leader Nycole Turmel are the victims of an editorial hatchet job in today’s The Globe and Mail. No surprise from the paper that endorsed Stephen Harper but still annoying. So let’s recap: the federal NDP’s interim leader, who, by the way, has the position due to a terrible, cancer-based emergency, had a party membership in the Bloc Quebecois. Here is something to learn: being a member of the Bloc Quebecois does not automatically mean you’re a separatist, just like being a member of the Conservative party does not automatically mean you’re a POS douche (all the odds of that are astronomically higher). It could simply mean you consistently support the progressive party that’s the most viable because you love Canada and want a compassionate country that looks after Canadians.
That’s very likely what it means here.
The Bloc has a progressive platform on a range of issues including women’s rights, labour laws and the environment. If I lived in Quebec I’d have voted for them at some point, and I’d be one of those English bastards always voting against sovereignty in referendums. So eff off, Globe And Mail editorial writers. You’re a pack of Tory hacks.
3 COLLAR BOMB EXTORTION? REALLY, WORLD? A Hollywood-style plot plays out in real life as an Australian teen is rescued from a freaking bomb attached to her neck. Note: object might not have been a bomb. But holy moley, that’s evil.
5 ALL YOUR DATA ARE BELONG TO US The tech security company McAfee has identified “a massive global cyber attack that spanned at least five years and was likely perpetrated by a foreign government.” China, anyone?
6 TODAY IN AMERICA IS BONED The U.S. Federal Aviation Administration is out of money because of a political stalemate so airport safety inspectors are working for free while the government is losing millions in tax revenue.
EVERYTHING’S HORRIBLE AND RUINED, AND PEOPLE ARE AWFUL AND STUPID AND CRUEL, AND IT’S JUST A TERRIBLE WORLD What can save us from the nightmare of existence? PLANET OF THE APES DANCE PARTY!