1 WIVES: COLLECT ‘EM ALL! British Columbia’s Supreme Court will look at polygamy starting today. Polygamy is currently illegal and creepy.You know what might make polygamy less freaky? If it was 1.) practiced by people who don’t belong to breakaway religious cults and 2.) if there were cases somewhere in this country of women with multiple husbands.
2 DEATH IS A HIGHWAY There were terrible road accidents this weekend. Nine people are dead. Horrible.
3 WRIGGLE WRIGGLE A Swiss bank tries to squirm its way out of a tax evasion probe by Canadian investigators.
4 IRELAND TAKES THE BAILOUT Yesterday Ireland finally agreed to accept a 90-billion Euro bailout that will come with conditions likely including cuts to public spending, cuts to social benefits and higher taxes for everyone but corporations like Microsoft, large tech-sector employers who have the country by its emerald balls. The financial woes stem from banking collapse caused by reckless loans during an unsustainable housing bubble.
5 NEW ZEALAND MINE DISASTER Relatives of the 29 men trapped by an explosion in a coal mine on Friday have been told to prepare for the worse, though officials say they’re also prepared for the possibility that the miners are alive. More information can be found at the New Zealand Herald’s website. That newspaper also has a twitter feed here. Auckland is currently 19 hours ahead of us, fyi.
WHAT ELSE, WHAT ELSE Here’s the Calgary take on the Stamps soul-crushing footballicular defeat. Famous TV movie-worthy fugitive Laurie “Bambi” Bembenek has died at age 52. A very, very, very important copyright bill is back in in the laps of Canadian members of Parliament. Sask whooping cough cases show the need for vaccination. Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas says Jewish settlements need to cease. Marc Emery is transferred to a U.S. jail in Georgia; he should be in a Canadian jail. Actually he shouldn’t even BE in jail but that’s another squawk. Can Alzheimer’s sufferers consent to sex? Some people who drive nuclear weapons around have been getting drunk on the job, ohhh good. Tiger pee apparently smells like “well-cooked basmati rice,” and I’m sorry, but you totally did want me to tell you that, quit acting like you’re appalled. Don’t feed marijuana to ducks. Did you hear what the Pope said this weekend?