1. RIP ELIZABETH EDWARDS. America’s First Lady of Fortitude in the Face of Humiliation died of cancer on Tuesday. Long may she reign in the Glorious Kingdom, which is only available to people who’ve put up with the sort of crap she had to deal with. (via New York Times – registration required)
2. THE CASE AGAINST JULIAN ASSANGE IS JUST… STUPID. BUT A RICH POTENTIAL SOURCE OF PUNS. So. Apparently Julian Assange slept with two Swedish women. A condom broke or something (maybe it leaked)? Then one of the women wanted to get in touch with him over worries of hypothetical STIs. But he wasn’t getting back to her right away? But eventually he did. Then the woman went to the police, but not with the intent to file charges or anything. Just… you know, let’s go talk to the police. Maybe Swedish police stations have bowls of candy or something. Hell, read it yourself. (Toronto Star)
3. STOP THAT, DON CHERRY. YOU GO SIT IN THE CORNER AND SCREAM AT YOUR PANCAKES. Don Cherry surprised everyone at Rob Ford’s inauguration ceremony as mayor of Toronto, when Cherry placed the chain of office around Ford’s neck – an act which is generally the province of the city clerk, not a deranged sportscaster with amyloid plaques obviously devouring his brain. Cherry then delivered a baffling blast of invective against “left-wing kooks” and “pinkos”. Said Ford: “I’ve been a huge fan. Don is exactly what you see is what you get”. (Toronto Star)
4. THANK YOU WIKILEAKS: U.S. DEFENSE CONTRACTOR HELPED PIMP OUT LITTLE BOYS TO STONED AFGHANI POLICE. Here’s another term you wish never existed: a bacha bazi (“boy play”) party, in which boys aged eight to 15 dress up like women, do a little dance and then get auctioned off. For dancing and light housework? No. Texas company DynCorp helped throw at least one of these parties for Afghan police recruits in Kunduz province. Check out the cable between Afghan Interior Minister Hanif Atmar and the U.S. Embassy, in which Atmar pleads for some high-level help in quashing this story. Because it is so repulsive. And this is not even the first time that DynCorp has been caught in the sex slave racket. But it appears to be the first time this century, so there’s that. (Houston Press)
5. GEORGE LUCAS IS THE KILLER OF THE DEAD. Everyone’s enjoying the cultural zombie zeitgeist, but leave it to Jabba the Lucas to take it literally. Lucas has been buying the rights to dead film stars in order to digitally insert them into movies so that, say, Jimmy Stewart may romance Tina Fey. Or that J.T. Walsh may hunt Justin Bieber on his Martian ranch. Whatever. Both of those suggestions would make better movies than whatever George Lucas is sure to come up with. This is going to suck and there’s nothing you or I can do about it. (The Guardian)
6. DON’T LOOK NOW, BUT THERE’S A NEW POET LAUREATE ON THE HORIZON. Saskatchewan author Don Kerr is the province’s new Poet Laureate. His term will run from January 1 2011 to December 31 2012. More importantly, Kerr rates a solid 7.25 on the Saskatchewan Poet Laureate Hotness Index, which puts him slightly ahead of Glen Sorestad (mustache deduction) but woefully behind Louis Louise Halfe.