6-in-the-morning1 CANNIBAL COP A German police officer has been arrested for allegedly torturing, killing and eating a man who’d had fantasies about being tortured, killed and eaten.

2 HE’S A DISGRACE TO THE UNIFORM No, actually he isn’t. Smoking marijuana is a legitimate treatment for anxiety and PTSD. On top of that, it’s a commonly used recreational drug used and enjoyed by millions of Canadians. Legalize it, tax its sales, grow up, be an adult, stop wasting the time of people who don’t have crazy hang-ups.

3 NO WITNESS FOR YOU The Senate’s internal economy committee blocked the appearance of a Deloitte managing partner who inappropriately contacted the auditing team on the Mike Duffy case.

4 PERHAPS THE PATRIOT ACT WAS JUST AN EVIL, TERRIBLE IDEA Yeesh. The only thing Verizon doesn’t give the U.S. government is a recording of every call every single one of their customers make. Glad we don’t have a psychotic surveillance state in Canada. Oh wait.

5 WHAT’S LEFT OF COMET ISON? Not much. Maybe something? Stay tuned.

6 IT’S BLACK FRIDAY IN THE STATES Read all about it. It’s also Black Friday in Regina, apparently.

6.5 GOODBYE CHOCOLATE Speaking of buying things, Gizmodo has a cheery list of items that we’re eating, drinking and in one case, injecting into balloons that we’re consuming unsustainably. Great!

DON’T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS You’ve been warned.