1 SYRIANS MARCH WHILE ARMY MURDERS It’s bad in Syria, where the government has the blood of more than 1600 people on its hands.

2 ONE BRIGHT SPOT AS THE U.S. ECONOMY UNSPOOLS There are more jobs in America today. I’m sure cutting trillions of dollars in government spending will fix that soon enough, but it’s mildly good news on this sunny Friday. Meanwhile the markets are still down and trending downer. Good job, Tea Party, you managed to destabilize the economy even though the debt ceiling was raised. Good job.

3 NASA GIVES JUPITER THE PROBE TREATMENT Launch was this morning. In other space news, water on Mars? Maybe! A second moon orbiting the earth? Coulda been!

4 FEDERAL NDP FUNDRAISING GOING WELL¬†That’s good and people better keep it up since the Conservative majority government is going to kill the per-vote subsidy this fall because of blatantly obvious political self-interest.

5 REMEMBER HOW U.S. AIR SAFETY INSPECTORS WEREN’T GETTING PAID BECAUSE OF STUPID POLITICAL GAMES? That’s been fixed, so if you’re flying into the U.S. soon you can relax.

6 SEAN AVERY IN DA SLAMMA He threw a party, it was too loud, cops showed up and he shoved one of ’em. Now he’s in jail. Jeez man, settle down.

ANNND GUESS WHAT I ATE WHILE I WAS TYPING THIS? Two whole packages of Koko Patisserie olive-Parmesan bread stick things! Yum! Although in a strange twist of fate, this today’s batch wasn’t as good as they usually are. I mean, they were good, but they were maybe a little over-baked. ¬†Figures they’d be a little underwhelming the one time I shill for them. (But they were still pretty good.)