1 WE ONLY WANT THE KIND OF CROOKS WHO ARE SMART ENOUGH TO NOT GET CAUGHT Regina’s Executive Committee wants criminal record checks for municipal election candidates. Because, uhhh…?

2 CANADIAN WOMAN ATTACKED IN MEXICO The story’s here. Given the number of tourists going to the country, these horror stories probably paint a much scarier picture of Mexico than is accurate. Then again, this is a place where people are regularly beheaded, butchered and disemboweled by vicious drug gangs. Maybe it’s time for a new warm-weather tourism spot. It’s definitely time to end the war on drugs that feeds Mexican crime and violence.

3 HAPPY YEAR OF THE DRAGON, BANG Chinese security forces reportedly shoot more than 30 protesters in Tibet, killing one. (What, you want nice, fluffy Chinese New Year stories? Fine. Here you go.)

4 A GOOD WEEKEND FOR GINGRICH, A SAD WEEKEND FOR GIFFORDS  This weekend, the loud-mouthiest Republican asshole proved that American Conservative voters will happily back a bullying, adulterer if that’s what it takes to get the black dude out of the White House. The party of moral values has none. Meanwhile, a Congresswoman who was shot in the head by a crazy dude after more than a year of violent rhetoric from Tea Party wingnuts will resign. Sad.

5 OMNIBUS CRIME BILL WILL COST ONTARIO $1 BILLION; 50,000 JOBS TRASHED AND MORE G8 B.S. Waste, unemployment and shenanigans — It’s just another Monday morning in Conservative Canada.

6 JOE PATERNO IS DEAD, AND BYE-BYE BALSILLIE And his legacy is forever tainted. In unrelated news, Research In Motion’s number one hockey fan has resigned.

HEY, KATHLEEN EDWARDS IS COMING TO SASKATOON IN APRIL! Tickets go on sale Friday. That one song is getting badly overplayed but it’s really good so here it is again.