1 NORTH KOREA LOSES IT ON THEIR SOUTHERN NEIGHBOURS South Korea goes through with some military drills that they gave everyone advance notice on. North Korea bombards the crap out of them, killing two South Koreans. Needless to say, international opinion isn’t trending towards the North.

2 QUIT TANNING, KIDS Nova Scotia is working on a ban of tanning beds for people under 19 years old. One solution for Vitamin D-deprived kids should this go: offshore tanning boats. Then, they can get in their cock fighting while they’re at it.

3 YOU TOO, LADIES The Vatican is playing catch up, and is now saying that their previous comments about male prostitutes and condom usage applies to women as well. Even with this clarification, it’s still a super muddled idea, although it’s good to know Pope Benny isn’t just looking out for the male prostitutes out there.

4 A STUDENT ENGINEER PUBLICATION BEING OFFENSIVE? NO WAY Where do you start with these assholes? About the only good part of this story, about how a University of Toronto publication put together by engineering students is way more offensive than it ever is funny, is when the head of the Engineering Society says he doesn’t even like the rag in question. Read the article to here a bunch of folks try to defend the indefensible. My favourite quote: “We’re not implying any sort of hate towards homosexuals, we’re not even mentioning them, other than the word faggots, twice.” Engineers who moonlight as amateur humourists should follow the news, so that they can learn from each others mistakes.

5 FIGURING IT OUT NPR has a cool piece on Egypt’s transition over to a free-market economy. Best revelation: the Egyptian military are probably the folks to go to for the best bottled water in the area.

6 WAH WAH WAAAAAAH American, Afghan, and NATO officials were negotiating with a Taliban leader … except they weren’t.

EXTRA! EXTRA! The much talked-up royal wedding has a date set, so hopefully we can stop talking about it until April 29; Mitchell Hurwitz-created show Running Wilde continues to have its schedule dicked with; Tim Hortons will soon begin accepting debit cards across Canada; and your Puppy of the Day is Frank the English Bulldog.

Finally, a few quick scenes from our greatest living actor: