My Dream Of Metric

On Friday night, while everyone else who writes for prairie dog was going to see Metric and Stars play at the Brandt Centre, I stayed in, ate trail mix and played video games. But that night I dreamed that I ended up at the concert at the last moment.

My sister bought me a ticket because her fiancee had dumped her and taken up with a young woman in Paris, and she was feeling insecure and in need of cheering up. It was a lot of back story, mostly cribbed from a Meg Ryan movie, and pretty much unnecessary. I don’t even have a sister. And if I did, she wouldn’t look like The Architect from The Matrix Reloaded.

In the dream we took a cab to the Brandt Centre. It looked suspiciously like my junior high gymnasium. I presented my ticket to the person at the door, who turned out to be Emily Haines, the band’s lead singer. She was dressed as a crossing guard.

“Hi Ms. Haines. Here’s my ticket,” I said.

“I’m so glad you could make it, Aidan. All 167.4 cm of you,” she said. She took the ticket, which was about the size of my Honours thesis, and ripped it in half with one clean motion.

“It’s no big deal, Ms. Haines. I only live 1.8 miles away.”

“You mean 2.9 km.”

“Oh yeah. Hey, I’ve been wondering if barometers are cool. Should I get a barometer for my home office? I want that ironic nautical look the kids are into these days.”

Emily smiled and reached out to pat my shoulder. “Only you can discover the answer to that, Aidan. Look into your heart. It has an approximate mass of 250-300 g.”

She kept patting my shoulder, and I realized that she was using a dried chicken’s foot to do it. I woke screaming.

At least they played Black Sheep. I love that song.

Author: Aidan Morgan

Aidan is a very serious man who's saving up for a nice dignified pipe. Then we'll see who's laughing.

12 thoughts on “My Dream Of Metric”

  1. That reminds me of the dream I had about getting on a Greyhound bus with Juliana Margulies and I told her that she was beautiful in the same way a horse is beautiful and she laughed and said “who are you calling horse face” and we laughed and sat down together in our business suits.

  2. Imagine a scene later this week in which Kalinda rides a Greyhound with Alicia and those exact two lines of dialogue are spoken. It *could* happen.

  3. Kalinda’s husband would be in the back seat, taking all three places and seething. That storyline’s getting old. Kalinda is better as a sexual threat than as a gun moll. And even in drama, I find jealousy uninteresting. Now he’s jealous of Cary. Poor pretty Cary. Is he going to beat up Alicia next? That could happen too.

    The husband reminds me of phoney ethnic or lower class characters they bring on to Coronation Street from time to time and you just have to wait till they stop showing them. Let’s hope for a speedy disappearance of Mr. Sharma.

  4. I know — Christine Baransky is lovely. I love the relationship between Will and Diane. I think what makes this show so sexy is that instead of using conflict to drive its plot, it uses complicity. There are no achetypes or fixed characters or relationships. If there are, or start out that way — I always thought that Cary Agos was a play on Othello’s ‘Iago’– they change and adapt with the life of the story, which in its way is suspenseful. Is Peter lying about the campaign worker? No? Aw… Peter! How sweet!

  5. Oh, there’s still a lot of conflict, but as you say, it’s often resolved (at least for a time) by complicity. One quibble I have, though, is that Eli Gold’s character has been softened, largely by playing him for laughs, and it’s high time he went back to being a sleaze.

  6. @ 5 Interesting. I half thought his first names was Caryagos, and Cary for short. The absolute worst depiction of Cary Agos was the episode that opened with him on holiday, toking on weed with a girlfriend and getting called in to help with a case. It was like the opening of a glossy, soft-core Belarusian porn.

    Good call on Mr. Sharma.

  7. Ha! I didn’t want to like the new friendly smiley Cary, but he’s got such a sweet baby face. My jury’s out on Eli. However, Kalinda and Alicia should never smile or laugh. With some beautiful people, it all falls apart when they smile.

  8. @10: Al Pacino and Kim Delaney should never smile, but IMO Archie Punjabi and Julianna Margulies should; they are beautiful, and when JM laughs, it’s infectious. As to Cary’s smile, it’s still like a crocodile’s: be careful. Mr. Sharma is just another one of the bad relationship choices Kalinda has made over the years; they all come back to bite her, and her associates (e.g. Alicia and Cary), in the butt. All of which we love, right?
    @9: You watch a lot of Belarusian porn, do you, sir?

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