I’ve listened to this piece twice now, it makes me so happy. What if Texas were to suddenly declare its independence? What would that be like? NPR decided to paint you a little picture of an independent Texas.

They don’t go into the circumstances of how the Texas of today became a republic, although if I know my alternate-histories, it involves the Nazis somehow. And they take the time to make clear that no one interviewed for the story actually believe Texas should secede, although I’m a little convinced after hearing the piece.

It is mostly serious, or as serious as asking various folks to make believe they live in the country of Texas can be. One part of their overall hypothesis strays from this: the Secretary of Foreign Affairs would be Kinky Friedman. That alone is awesome; what he says he’d do in the position is even better:

“I think the first thing we would do is go to the Third World countries and teach the women how to grow big hair and give the men Rick Perry wigs,” he says. “I will keep us out of war with Oklahoma. And one of the first countries we’ll open free trade with is Cuba. We will be opening cigar stores all over Texas. We’re not supporting their economy; we’re burning their fields.”

Listen to this thing.