So Superman Returns was something of a flop, because chunks of the plot* blew chunks and Kate Bosworth’s Lois Lane was an unfunny, anti-charismatic disaster. Parts of the film were great — Kevin Spacey’s Lex Luthor, Brandon Routh as Superman, the decision to stick with the art direction of the Richard Donner movie — but no, that wasn’t good enough. So Spacey and Routh are gone, and now, after like a four, five-year dick-around, we’re getting a rebooted Superman with an all-new cast.
That’s right! A reboot! All-new ideas! All-new Superman! Excitement! Oh wait: the chief bad guy is going to be General Zod, from Superman 2.
Why even bother rebooting something if you’re just going to recycle old stories? Stupid Warner Brother fuckers. Next, they’ll put Superman in a green and purple, rubber and metal suit. Fuck. Next time hire me, Emmet and our pal Dana to exec produce. We’ll give you a blockbuster that’ll make a half-billion without remaking an earlier film OR mangling a classic character with a great tradition. And we’ll do it for a measly million bucks each.
*Lois Lane had a not-Superman boyfriend and a mysteriously super-powered kid. More like Lois Lame.