General Zod? Zod?!? Oh For Eff’s Sake

So Superman Returns was something of a flop, because chunks of the plot* blew chunks and Kate Bosworth’s Lois Lane was an unfunny, anti-charismatic disaster. Parts of the film were great — Kevin Spacey’s Lex Luthor, Brandon Routh as Superman, the decision to stick with the art direction of the Richard Donner movie — but no, that wasn’t good enough. So Spacey and Routh are gone, and now, after like a four, five-year dick-around, we’re getting a rebooted Superman with an all-new cast.

That’s right! A reboot! All-new ideas! All-new Superman! Excitement! Oh wait: the chief bad guy is going to be General Zod, from Superman 2.

Why even bother rebooting something if you’re just going to recycle old stories? Stupid Warner Brother fuckers. Next, they’ll put Superman in a green and purple, rubber and metal suit. Fuck. Next time hire me, Emmet and our pal Dana to exec produce. We’ll give you  a blockbuster that’ll make a half-billion without remaking an earlier film OR mangling a classic character with a great tradition. And we’ll do it for a measly million bucks each.

Or you can hire your own braniacs to conceive and direct either bland remakes of better films or crazy-ass re-imaginings. Whatever you prefer.

*Lois Lane had a not-Superman boyfriend and a mysteriously super-powered kid. More like Lois Lame.

Author: Stephen Whitworth

Prairie Dog editor Stephen Whitworth was carried to Regina in a swarm of bees. He's been with Prairie Dog since May 1999 and will die at his keyboard before admitting his career a terrible, terrible mistake.

2 thoughts on “General Zod? Zod?!? Oh For Eff’s Sake”

  1. The married-to-someone-else Lois Lane wasn’t the most terrible idea in the world. “Junior” was, though. And the Lois character herself was completely lifeless.

    The Burton costume reminds me of when Superman went electrical for a while.

    The Zod thing may not be too bad, you never know what it’ll end up being. I just wish we’d get a Superman movie with a new villain. Brainiac? The ultra-chaotic and hilarious Mr. Mxyzptlk?
    I guess Superman III had a different villain, but that guy was basically the post-crisis Lex Luthor with a different personality.

  2. There was a rumour it was going to be Misunderstood Superman vs. the U.S. army. I thought that could’ve been good. Braniac could be fun. Metallo would be okay too. What about Superman vs. alien invasion?

    I’d say Superman vs. Batman, but that should happen in a Batman movie.

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