Apparently there’s a storm blowing in? Stay inside tonight, folks. Hug your reptiles tight.

1 HALF A LOAF. The petition to force a public vote on the stadium failed to meet its mark of 20,000 signatures, coming up with a still-impressive 9,899 names. Unfortunately that number doesn’t lend itself to any good jokes. Do we have any funny mathematicians in the audience? Even a chartered accountant will do in this situation.

2 AND POLLS ARE POSSESSED BY TOTAL BULL. A recent poll revealed that 68% of Republicans surveyed believe in demonic possession. As in, “Yes, trans-dimensional avatars of evil dispatched from a realm of eternal punishment like to show up and clop around inside your mind, Mr. Pollster.” What worries me more is that 49% of Democrats and 55% of Independent/Other believe in demonic possession as well.

3 JUDGES NEED LULZ TOO. Down in the dark mystery that we call America, 32-year-old Shena Hardin was arrested for driving on the sidewalk to get around a school bus. The judge fined her $250 and ordered her to wear a sign that says ‘IDIOT.’

4 BUT IF THE CAT HAD WORKED AT WAL-MART FOR TWO WEEKS, HE’D BE OUT OF HERE. Good news on the serval cat front: Jagger, the exotic cat that the government was going to eject from the province, has been granted a temporary reprieve “while regulations surrounding his breed are reviewed.” Meanwhile, no one will comment on those two Nigerian students.

BONUS BIT: The Leader-Post took a story about Creative Kids and turned it into a story about PotashCorp. Carry on.