Welcome to the poor man’s Six in the Morning! Which, I imagine, describes most of us.

1 BEIJING IS NOT KIDDING. You know that joke about Saskatchewan’s mountain removal project that people somehow think we haven’t heard one million times already? China intends to get rid of 700 pesky mountains which stand in the way of building a metropolis on the outskirts of Lanzhou, a northwestern city in Gansu province. So when people visit us from China and we crack that mountain joke, they’ll smile and nod politely. But inside they’ll be thinking, “Amateurs.”

2 SOUTH MIAMI ISN’T KIDDING EITHER. We can all stop grousing about the perpetual nonsense zone known as Regina, because South Miami politics are plain old weird.

3 PIZZA HUT IS KIDDING. SORT OF. As the result of a Facebook contest, Pizza Hut Canada overlapped its mouth with its money and actually produced “Eau de Pizza Hut” perfume, which is supposed to smell like fresh pizza. 110 bottles of the scent are available to gruesomely masochistic contest winners.

4 REMEMBER THEM. Geneviève Bergeron, Hélène Colgan, Nathalie Croteau, Barbara Daigneault, Anne-Marie Edward, Maud Haviernick, Barbara Maria Klucznik, Maryse Leclair, Annie St.-Arneault, Michèle Richard, Maryse Laganière, Anne-Marie Lemay, Sonia Pelletier, and Annie Turcotte. They were killed for being women.