1 AI WEIWEI RELEASED ON BAIL. Good news for Ai Weiwei, at least: Chinese authorities have released the dissident artist, poet and pogonotrophist on bail. He was taken into custody on April 3rd. According to Beijing police, Ai had shown “a good attitude in confessing his crimes.”

2 SYRIA NOT HAPPY WITH SANCTIONS. In a development that should surprise absolutely nobody, Syria denounced European sanctions, claiming that they were “targeting the livelihood of the Syrian citizens.” As opposed to targeting the heads and torsos of Syrian citizens, which is what the Syrian government appears to be doing.

3 ASBESTOS, THE FRIENDLIEST CARCINOGEN. Canada, which was once not a global laughingstock, has prevented an international effort from having asbestos recognized as the insanely toxic material we’ve all known it to be for the last thirty years. Asbestos: too dangerous to have in our homes, but we’ll sell it to other countries without a second thought.

4 WET REGINA. Some rain we’ve been having, yes? Enjoy your basements, everyone.