1. SASKATOON 14-YEAR-OLD WHO APPARENTLY SHOT HIS FRIEND FACES CHARGES Depressing.
2. CAR DRIVES INTO REGINA BEAUTY SALON No injuries, good.
3. UNHAPPY ANNIVERSARY Sept. 11 2001 sucked.
4. #ELXN 42: SO POLLS, MUCH CLOSE CBC’s Poll Tracker essentially has the three main parties in a dead heat. I’d like to see Conservative support drop under 20 per cent; it’s depressing that between a quarter and a third of my fellow citizens country are gullible and/or malicious enough to vote for Harper’s party. Cut that to one in five and it’d cheer me up: I could probably dial back on the SSRIs.
5. NEW BRUNSWICK: WET Massive rainfall on the east coast. How massive? Up to “a month of rain in just 24 hours” massive.
6. ROB FORD: NO NEW TUMORS I’m glad Rob Ford doesn’t have any new tumors.
7. WELCOME TO THE FAMILY, H. NALEDI Oh yeah, scientists discovered the fossilized remains of a new species of human. Here’s the story in National Geographic.
9. DOUCHE SUSPENDS PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN Goodbye Rick Perry. Douche.
LET’S WRAP UP THE WEEK WITH A MOVIE TRAILER This came out today. It’s for Michael Moore’s new movie, Where To Invade Next. Looks all right.