BREAKING The Statue Of Liberty has apparently been evacuated due to a suspicious package?
1. MAN WHO MURDERED THREE CHILDREN AND THEIR MOTHER THEN KILLED HIMSELF WAS MENTALLY ILL Seems plausible but kind of tough to take considering that 99.99 per cent of people with mental health problems don’t go on savage, homicidal rampages.
2. HARPER GOVERNMENT WANTS TO KEEP A FORMER CHILD SOLDIER (WHO WAS BLACKMAILED INTO A GUILTY PLEA BY A GULAG COURT) IN PRISON The pro-gun Harper government should spend more time working to keep guns out of the hands of people who kill families and less time obsessively trying to punish a former child soldier.
3. RURAL SASKATCHEWAN SUDDENLY REALIZES FIREARMS SHOULDN’T BE TAKEN LIGHTLY Humboldt is tightening up its pest control procedures in the wake of the Tisdale massacre.
4. THEY SHOOT YOU FOR GRAFFITI NOW A 19-year-old is in critical condition in Long Beach after cops shot him apparently because he was spraying graffiti.
5. SHIT’S GOING DOWN IN OILERTOWN Press conference after lunch.
6. CANADIAN BORDER GUARDS STRIP-SEARCHED A BUSLOAD OF AMERICAN STUDENTS Don’t come to Canada for a party, apparently.
7. TWO AVENGERS TALK SOME SEXIST AND SEX-NEGATIVE TRASH ABOUT BLACK WIDOW; ONE MAKES AN ACCEPTABLE APOLOGY I hope we all learned something.
8. ADAM SANDLER’S EXTRAS AREN’T LAUGHING First Nations actors walk off Sandler’s latest project because the script is full of racist jokes.
9. MICHAEL BROWN’S FAMILY SUES THE COP WHO KILLED HIM Read all about it.
10. THERE WAS AN EARTHQUAKE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA Or British “Colombia” as the Harper Government spells it. Anyway, no biggie.
11. FRACKING CAUSES EARTHQUAKES Golly, who knew the radical environmentalists were right about something. More on the horror of resource extraction here.
VIDEO: IT’S FAN EXPO WEEKEND! And I’m on the Leader-Post’s nerd panel! Want to know more about the weekend as well as what my cosplay of choice would be if I did the cosplay thing? Check it out!