1. A CROSS-COUNTRY NEWS JAMBOREE Quebec has the measles, former Conservative MP Vic Toews might have a scandal, a federal Conservative is acting all retro witch-hunty but instead of bashing commies she’s flinging McCarthy-style slime at Muslims and the RCMP are going after the Ontario Provincial Police Association for a bunch of alleged crooked-ass shit. In unrelated news science has discovered fossils of ancient human-sized lobster-like things.
2. HOUSE PRICES ARE COMING DOWN Well, there’s a big, hairy hock and a half.
3. UNEMPLOYMENT IS UP IN SASKATCHEWAN The province’s economic tide ebbs. Ebbs, I say. Well technically not me but Stats Canada.
4. SASKATOON ALSO LIKES DESTROYING HERITAGE People in the province are totally nuts. Are the business/libertarian/conservative types that wreck heritage buildings scared there’s socialism in beautiful old bricks?
5. GLOBAL NEWS TSUNAMI Global CO2 emissions stalled last year (!!!), Ikea closes its Russian website because Russia’s gone all bigoty, Germany says it’s not feuding with Greece, I don’t even want to write about this Middle Eastern horror and A PENIS HAS BEEN TRANSPLANTED. Also, Jupiter’s moon Ganymede has an underground ocean which could mean IT’S ALIIIIVE, IT LIIIIIVES.
FRIDAY AFTERNOON KITTY! Jeez I couldn’t even tell you when the last time I put one of these up was. Another Whitworth failure. Classic. Well, let’s get back on the horse.