1. BANK HELPS THE SUPER RICH DUCK TAX BILLS $4 billion in lost tax revenue in Canada, and US$200 billion worldwide, is a good reminder that very wealthy people are often traitors to their countries.
2. CONSERVATIVE MP JOINS LIBERALS TO SAVE CAREER And also because she says the Conservatives are mean. Sure takes some people a lot of time to realize the Harper government is the shittiest ever. Anyway more here, if you want it.
3. ALSO, HARPER SHUFFLED THE DECK The “deck” being his cabinet.
4. SPRING MELT MIGHT NOT BE A FLOODY NIGHTMARE Fingers crossed, says the Water Security Agency.
5. STOP TEXTING AND DRIVING! Stop it!
6. ALBERTA’S FLATTENED TAX SYSTEM ISN’T WORKING No duh. Flat taxes are for rich people. In other Alberta news, a report predicts that province’s unemployment rate is going to go up by more than two per cent.
8. BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING Jesus Christ, Samsung.
9. U.S. SUPREME COURT AND ALABAMA COUNTIES THUMB NOSES AT HOMOPHOBIC BIGOTS The SCOTUS has served noticed to Alabama that it won’t help it stop same-sex couples from getting married, so-fuckin’-there, ya redneck meatheads. Unfortunately, only a few Alabama counties are granting marriage licenses to like-groined couples. I guess those few probably realize the world still mocks Alabama for being full of hateful racist shitheels who fought FOR segregation, and they’d like their state to stop being a fucking joke. Antway, let’s read about one of these newly-married couples, shall we?
10. IT’S A WORLD OF AWFUL, A WORLD OF TEARS; IT’S A WORLD OF MURDER, A WORLD OF FEARS Bad times in Yemen, abandoned kidnapping victims in Nigeria, volcano trouble in Guatemala, the forecast in Ukranian is “possible weapons with high probability of death” and soccer death in Egypt. I’m sure there’s a lot more awful to share but that’s enough for my nerves today.
11. BEWARE THE HAIR-EATING ROBOTS It’s tomorrow’s News Quirk, today!
12. REVEALED: WHY A WEIRD-LOOKING FISH LIKES TO SUNBATHE I know this is something we’ve all wondered about.
VIDEO: BURROWING OWLS GOTS MOVES They do!