1. HAPPY SPRING! It’s the spring equinox! Days are getting longer! Sunrise today was 7:02 a.m, sunset will be 7:11 p.m. and the total length of the day is a brain-exploding 12 hours, nine minutes and 42 seconds. Wooooo! Let’s all sacrifice animals and dance naked and get weird.
2. THE SASKATCHEWAN BUDGET COULD’VE BEEN A LOT TOUGHER But outgoing Finance Minister Ken Kravetz says
“it’s an election year, do we look like we’re crazy?” “let’s allow the people of Saskatchewan to continue growing this province.”
3. ALSO, THE SASKATCHEWAN BUDGET IGNORED CLIMATE CHANGE Hey, why worry about the number one issue threatening the future of humanity *blows noisemaker*
4. A FLORIDA CIVIL SERVANT WAS FORCED TO GET A MENTAL HEALTH EXAMINATION BECAUSE HE USED THE PHRASE “CLIMATE CHANGE” You can’t make this stuff up.
5. HOW ABOUT THAT CRTC RULING? Huh? How about it? Basic cable for $25, pick and choose your channels, no more of this socialist nonsense where the rich, mighty, popular channels have to subsidize the weak and worthless networks, ha ha ha!
6. 100 DEAD IN ATTACKS ON MOSQUES So horrible. Islamic State creeps don’t kill anyone like they kill Muslims. Meanwhile, Canadian planes did some bombing, which may or may not be helpful. Bombing doesn’t have the best track record but, shrug.
7. ANOTHER RCMP OFFICER CONVICTED OF PERJURY IN THE DIEZANSKI CASE Good.
8. SOMEBODY ABUSED A CAT IN REGINA Story here. Vets have operated and it sounds like they’re cautiously optimistic, while the Humane Society is asking the public for help to track down the budding psychopath who’s responsible.
9. AUSTRALIAN GETS DRUNK, FREEZES FINGERS Never trust an Australian, they’re wacky. *Stink-eye at L-P’s Emma Graney*.
LOOK, IT’S ANOTHER AGE OF ULTRON CLIP New scenes! New smashing! So Exciting!