You know how when you’re a little kid, someone older is a dick to you, and you get mad at them and take a swing but you can’t hurt them because they’re too big, and they just laugh at you and hold you down, and you get madder and madder and madder?
That’s what this asshole cat is doing to this poor little snake while some jerk stands there filming and NOT HELPING AT ALL.
Footnote: Almost positive the snake is either a black or a blue racer (coluber constrictor priapus or foxii). Blue racers are found in Ontario and they’re an endangered species (nice going, cat) . Saskatchewan has an species of racer too, found in Grasslands National Park — the yellow-bellied racer. Racers are bitey!
The incident began on Friday afternoon in Nelson, B.C., when Leanne Kalabis, who has a young son and is five months pregnant, heard strange noises coming from her basement. She caught a glimpse of a furry face and thought it might have been a lost domestic cat, but when she went downstairs with her dog to investigate, it turned out to be a wild one. “That’s definitely not a house cat… that’s definitely a bobcat,” she recalled thinking. Her dog gave chase and got a little scratched up, and the bobcat then scaled a wall and made it to the top of a window, where it caught up in the blinds. Hissing and lunging for the dog, Kalabis said it became “quite entangled,” and she decided to call for help.
“What do I do? I’ve got a bobcat in my basement,” she said.
Harumph. How come MY blinds never have bobcats? Best I get is an occasional bat.
Police managed to whisk a 2-foot-long alligator into a box after a traveler spotted it under an escalator at O’Hare International Airport. The person made the bizarre discovery Friday in the lower level of Terminal 3, Police News Affairs Officer Hector Alfaro said. The unexpected trespasser was transferred to the care of the Chicago Herpetological Society. The 3-year-old American alligator, dubbed “Allie” by police, was still “in distress ’’ Sunday and was suffering from a metabolic bone deficiency, which likely means its diet was poor and lacked calcium for some time before it was found, according to a spokesman for the Chicago Herpetological Society.
Alligators are not pets. Well, okay, maybe, MAYBE, if you have some kind of epic alligator-owner licence and you know what you’re doing and have the resources, you could, in theory, give a pet alligator a great life. But 99.99 per cent of people — including you, me, Detroit Lions safety Louis Delmas and the dink who abandoned today’s headline-making snoogy-woogums — should not own alligators.
To conclude: DON’T GET A PET ALLIGATOR. Thank you.
I’m feeling a little nervous about the phrase “third time’s the charm.” What charm? Where? Is it a half-decent charm? Does it come in the mail? Does a guy show up at your door on a stormy night with a mysterious (and charm-containing) box? Does he hand over the box without a word or say “This is for you… natch”? Who says “natch” anymore? Did anyone ever say “natch” outside of Archie comics? So many relevant questions.
1. THINGS IN THE U.S. STILL HORRIBLE AND BEWILDERING, THANK YOU. I stopped following the depraved goings-on in American politics a few weeks ago, because the whole situation is so appalling that the only rational response is to sit in a corner and cry until everything’s fixed. Anyway, never mind the government shutdown, because the debt default is only days away.
2. ON THE PLUS SIDE, A GUY AND HIS DOG ARE PLAYING FETCH IN THE PARK ACROSS THE STREET. It’s kind of amazing to watch, actually, as this compact checkered dog takes off across the field, making an inerrant beeline for a no-doubt slobbery ball. It makes me wonder why we do what we do, which includes taking an hour or two on a Sunday afternoon to throw an object over a dog’s head. Do we get as much enjoyment out of it as dogs? Do dogs project their emotional states into inanimate objects? Or are dogs just humoring us? Be gentle with us, dogs. We’re fragile creatures.
3. BUT THEN WE DISCOVER THAT CELEBRITIES LIE AND ARE PLUNGED BACK INTO DESPAIR. Michael Douglas straight-up lied about his cancer. It was located on his tongue, not his throat.
4. WHAT DO ROCK STAR MICHAEL HUTCHENCE AND SERIAL KIDNAPPER ARIEL CASTRO HAVE IN COMMON? The answer may surprise you! Or it may not. I can’t judge your capacity for surprise in this jaded era. Anyway, the answer rhymes with “schmalleged schmauto-erotic schmasphyxiation.”
5.I WONDER IF HUTCHENCE AND CASTRO WILL BE REUNITED WITH LESUS IN HEAVEN. You’d better run out right now to grab your commemorative Vatican coin, because the first striking spells Jesus’ name as “Lesus.” Typo? Maybe – or maybe the Vatican has let slip its greatest secret of all. So if you want a good seat in the afterlife, start praying to our Lord and Saviour Lesus. Natch.
This documentary by Jo-Ann McArthur screens at the RPL Film Theatre tonight at 7 p.m. The focus is on the fellow creatures that share the planet with us, and the treatment they receive in various industries from food and fashion to entertainment and scientific research. Here’s the trailer:
For the second time in a month, the RHS is at capacity due to an overwhelming number of kittens which have been surrendered or abandoned at its doors. The Society is appealing to the public for help to find homes for the over 113 kittens currently in its care.
This Friday, Saturday and Sunday (September 27, 28 and 29) the RHS hopes to find as many homes as possible to ensure kittens don’t face an uncertain future. To encourage as many adoptions as possible, the RHS is reducing the Adoption Fee on all felines, including kittens, to only $50.