Can You Save Star Wars VII?

The Gameological Society — an online gaming magazine — put out a series of year-in-review video games, my favourite being Star Wars: Sequel Debacle Simulatron. In it you assemble all the elements you think will be necessary to make Disney’s upcoming Star Wars sequel successful. Then see how your film fares at the box office.

It’s your chance to prove that you can out-executive produce George Lucas. And let’s face it, pretty much anyone can.

Want to see how I did? Here are my choices…

And after the jump, how my sci-fi masterpiece, Star Wars: Twilight of the Deathless did at the box office.

 

Okay. Maybe it didn’t make the Billion Dollar Club. But the critics loved it. And I’m sure, with it’s quirky charm, it’ll grow on the fan base.

Author: Paul Dechene

Paul Dechene is 5'10'' tall and he was born in a place. He's not there now. He's sitting in front of his computer writing his bio for this blog. He has a song stuck in his head. It's "Girl From Ipanema", thanks for asking. You can follow Paul on Twitter at @pauldechene and get live updates during city council meetings and other city events at @PDcityhall.

5 thoughts on “Can You Save Star Wars VII?”

  1. So I take it you were going for a hard R-rating with your movie, Paul. Given the talent you’ve assembled, I can imagine the summary:

    “A chain-smoking, alcoholic, borderline-sociopathic Jedi with an unusally large lightsaber (played by Fassbender) travels the galaxy accompanied by two gun-toting, ultraviolent, bisexual bounty hunters (Milla Jovovich and Michelle Rodriguez). Along the way, they dismantle a number of authoritarian dictatorships and bloated bureaucracies that have arisen in the wake of the Empire’s collapse (and if they have to destroy half the galaxy to do it, well…) and engage in a series of debauched, drug-fuelled parties. Star Wars: Twilight of the Deathless finally answers the burning question: what is a three-way with an Ewok and a Twi’lek really like?”

  3. I just realized that that’s P.T. Anderson, not Paul W.S. Anderson. In that case, remove Jovovich and Rodriguez and replace them with John C. Reilly and Philip Seymour Hoffman. Replace some of the action scenes with heavy-handed symbolism and monologuing.

  4. I managed to get a B- rating for my Fistful of Ewoks, written by Jane Espensen, Directed by Sophia Coppola and starring Tina Fey.

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