California Kills The Plastic Bag

Like all things under the sun, plastic bags just want a chance to exist.  They want to hold your groceries, sit around under your sink for a while, then migrate to your garbage and eventually die in a landfill, where they will slowly disperse hydrocarbons into the environment for a few thousand years.  It’s their natural life cycle.

But California, the most evil and bag-hating state in the US, passed a bill that will make it so much tougher for the majestic plastic bag to fulfill its destiny:

The hottest debate Wednesday was in the state Assembly, which voted 41 to 27 to pass a bill that would ban single-use plastic grocery bags — the first of its kind in the nation, according to lawmakers and environmentalists. Shoppers would have to bring reusable bags to the store or pay at least 5 cents each for recycled paper bags at the checkout counter.

Schwarzenegger has indicated that he would sign the bill, AB 1998 by Assemblywoman Julia Brownley (D-Santa Monica), if it passes the Senate as expected.

The bill doesn’t ban bags outright.  Instead, it imposes a 5 cent fee per bag.  This may not sound particularly draconian or effective, but bear in mind that a similar measure in Washington, DC effected a drop in plastic bag use from 22 million to 3 million.  That’s what mathematicians call “Holy shit dude that’s a lot of bags=X”.  The ‘=X’ part is where the math comes in.

If you’re so inclined, you can even read the bill in all its Courier typeface glory.

Author: Aidan Morgan

Aidan is a very serious man who's saving up for a nice dignified pipe. Then we'll see who's laughing.

5 thoughts on “California Kills The Plastic Bag”

  1. Doesn’t the government realize what a vital role the plastic bag plays in the ecosystem?!

    How will filmmakers come up with sobering visual metaphors for the fleeting and wasted nature of the human experience without plastic bags caught in the wind & trees?

  2. And don’t forget, thanks in large part to discarded plastic bags, a whole new continent is forming in the pacific between California and Hawaii. It’s already twice the size of Texas!

    I think we should call it New Atlantis.

    When you consider the twin problems of overpopulation and a shortage of undeveloped real estate, news like this should fill us with hope.

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