1. TENSION AT STANDING ROCK Dakota Access Pipeline protesters have been ordered to leave today.
2. NASA’S GOT SOMETHING TO SAY TODAY The U.S. space agency has a big press conference today. Have they discovered markers of life on an exoplanet? Or maybe they’ve just got some cool but not earth-shaking science news they’re puffing up into something more compelling than it is to convince President Bigly and the Congress From Buttland to leave their budget alone.
3. DOG KENNEL CHARGED WITH NEGLIGENCE You’ve probably been trying to forget about the Saskatoon kennel where 14 dogs died of dehydration and heat stroke. Me too, but there’s a new development.
4. TERRIBLE HOSTAGE A man who held a knife to his own neck was tasered and arrested in Regina.
5. THE WALL IS STALLED A month into his presidency, Trump’s stupid thing is tangled up in bureaucracy. Meanwhile, a desperate, man killed himself after his third deportation. Expect more of this as the mean-spirited demagogue turns up the heat on more human beings.
6. BURGER JOINTS SHOULD FEED THEIR STAFF A Vancouver employee fired after a misunderstanding gets a deserved settlement.
7. LEGALIZE EVERYTHING We should consider it.
8. DIRTY, ROTTEN THIEVES STEAL VENOMOUS SNAKES and a cute, pregnant albino boa constrictor. Also, to quibble with the article slightly, no one gets killed by boa constrictors (which are illegal pets here but shouldn’t be), though I guess it’s theoretically remotely possible. It’s less likely than being killed by a pet cat, I can guarantee that. But there’s no way a “200 centimetre” boa is going to hurt anything bigger than a small rabbit.
Here’s a video of a cute snake!