BEES EVERYWHERE! THEY ARE STINGING THE SHIT OUT OF MY FINGERS! QUICK HIDE THE ROYAL HONEY! DO IT BEFO Oh hi, I didn’t see you walk into the internet. My name’s Dan and I’m here to take you on a whirlwind tour of the comings and goings of the National Hockey League. (Also there are swearz ‘n’…well that’s about it.) Away we go!
Feeling lonely this Valentine’s Day? Not anymore, you’re not! The Found Footage Festival has a new main squeeze ready to sweep you off your feet. The Instant Adoring Boyfriend is here to shower you with compliments, struggle with putting whipped cream on leftover chocolate cake and holy shit is he ready to watch you sleep.
Put on your finest seafaring gear, because you’re in for some smokin’ hot dreamboat action!
What’s that Thursday afternoon malt liquor? You want me to launch a remarkably unnecessary NHL column on the Dog Blog? Alright, but only on the condition that I can post a screencap from Onyx’s “React” video. I’ve already done that? Okay, let’s get this show on the road.
It’s the holidays, so instead of reading the CAPS LOCK swear routine that is Aw NFL Naw, I declare this time to be yours to do with as you please! Build a snow fort, write an erotic western, compare your picks to Ron’s in the comment section, write an erotic western about Ron’s picks for Week 17. The world is your frost covered oyster!
Thank you so much for letting me hang out with you this NFL season. I had a lot of fun.
Happy holidays! May all your nogs be rich, delicious and not tainted by mixed with milk to save money. (Don’t let anyone tell what to do nogwise! Gargle the exquisiteness!) It’s time for Week 16 of Aw NFL Naw.
Sound the alarm! No, not that one. No, not that other one either. No, not your Kellogg’s Corn Flakes promotional “Time For Breakfast” alarm. No, not the one made entirely out of macaroni. That one’s only for emergencies. You know what? Forget it! Don’t sound any alarms. I don’t care. Whatever. What was I getting at? Oh yeah, time for Aw NFL Naw. WEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!
In this week’s edition of the Dubuque Packing Company Agricultural Report, we look at innovations in the world of crop development, there’s a humourous editorial from Zeke “Thistle Pen” Reimer on Korea’s approach to beef regulation and as always we have our world famous tasteful animal nudes. Join us!
Oh no! Tony Danza’s teammates appear skeptical of his field goal kicking ability! Prove ’em wrong, Tony. Kick your way into their hearts and be the phenomenon you were born to be. (If memory serves, Danza unlocking full-on Phenomenon powers would turn him into a genius with telekinetic super powers and a remarkably drippy Eric Clapton theme tune.) Onward to Week 11!
At first the scariest part of this poster is the laser action coming out of Lawrence Taylor’s fingertips, but it’s the dude hanging on the uprights that really freaks me out. Also, Lawrence Taylor is a terrifying human being to begin with, so this poster is extra spooky. Right, onward to Week 10 of Aw NFL Naw.
For over a decade, WWE CEO Vince McMahon was soundtracked to ring by the theme song “No Chance In Hell”. Tonight, it looks like Vince’s wife, Republican senate candidate Linda McMahon, had no chance in hell of becoming a senator. Even with a campaign that looks like it was funded by the Million Dollar Man.