UPDATE: Doodler-at-large Puty sent in this unsolicited illustration, which was beautifully coloured by Awesome Klassen. Apparently Puty spent a couple hours last night and most of this a.m. working on Santorum caricatures. “I’m not sure I’ve got it,” he writes. “But in fairness Rick Santorum is a really plain-looking guy.” I suggest next time Puty wants to draw Rick Santorum he should just do a mash-up of Maxwell Smart and Norman Bates. /Whitworth
It’s a wrap for round one of the ugliest Republican pageant ever, and there’s a new flavour of the month to gag on: the evil Rick Santorum.
It’s been a while since I’ve shared my American Republican primary schadenfreude with ‘dog readers — so long, in fact, that my print Guide-To hardly mentioned Santorum. At the time, he looked like a bottom-feeder, poised to go home after the Iowa caucuses (if not sooner).
Alas, having burned through all the other not-Romney candidates, voters are allowing Santorum to grapple his way into the top tier of candidates. With only eight total fewer votes in Iowa than Romney — earning him the same number of delegates that Romney takes home from the corn-laden red-state — Santorum is poised to make a go of it if he can show well in other battleground states, like South Carolina.
So, why should you hate Santorum?
Googling Santorum will produce (somewhat) specious results, thanks to LGBT activist, awesome columnist and It Gets Better Project co-creator Dan Savage, who spearheaded a Google bomb to redefine Santorum. Savage launched his hilarious and rude campaign largely because of an interview Santorum gave to the Associated Press in April, 2003.
But in summary, the then-senator explained a variety of nauseating beliefs, such as:
-The rash of child sex abuses committed by Catholic Priests is an obvious outcome of liberalism. Santorum went on to call the sexual abuses “a basic homosexual relationship,” since the kids being raped weren’t three or five years old.
-Gay people should be allowed to exist — but they can’t date each other. Or touch each other. Or look longingly at one another. Because that’s gay.
-Santorum doesn’t want to “pick on” gay people — he also thinks that “man on child” or “man on dog” relationships are wrong.
-To package these beliefs, there should be no right to privacy for anyone, and those who believe the U.S. Constitution grants a right to privacy is not reading it right. Because when people have privacy, they have gay sex and sometimes dog sex. Of course.