Television Man | by Aidan Morgan
“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio than are dreamt of in your philosophy, like Rip Torn’s dramatic late ’90s career turnaround” —Anachro-Hamlet, the Hamlet that lives in all points of time at once
From: Reed Hastings, CEO, Netflix
Subject: New content ideas
Hope everyone is feeling all rested up from their Fourth of July celebrations! If you’re one of the three members of the team I invited to my private yacht for the day, you know what you did! Lol. Anyway, now that Stranger Things 3 is out and everyone in the world has binge watched the whole damn thing already, the question is: now what? Let’s hear some pitches asap! Toodles, Reed.
Subject: Re: New content ideas
Hey Reed! You read our minds! How about this for a start?
Stronger Things: We have a few sets from the Starcourt Mall we never used, so let’s go the gym! A Schwarzenegger-type from the ’80s comes to Hawkins to get the townsfolk all swole. But is the equipment haunted? Well, is it?
Hey, that’s the spirit! I’m not sure America wants to see bodybuilders fighting ghosts, but we’re definitely in the target zone. What else ya got? Eager to hear more.
No bites on a haunted Nautilus machine, hey? Okay, get ready for this one.
Stringer Things: Idris Elba reprises his role as Baltimore drug kingpin Stringer Bell from The Wire. He’s tired of the game and moving to a small Midwestern town to sell Amway. But are transdimensional monsters messing with his pyramid schemes? This fall, Robert’s Rules of Order don’t apply in the Upside-down!
Not sure about this one. We can get Idris, but securing the rights to an HBO character might be tricky. Didn’t he die at the end of the third season?
It can be a prequel to The Wire?
Haha okay. You’ll like this one.
Strangler Things: Iconoclastic UK band The Stranglers are touring the States. Forced to stop in Hawkins, Indiana when their tour bus breaks down, they clash with the uptight mayor and teach the town how to cut loose by getting footloose.
What’s the audience here? Fans of sui generis Britpop? Pass.