Queen City Confidential | by Anonymous

To the little girl in the comic store who cried out “I am a monster! I am coming to get you!” — I have no idea whom you were coming to get, nor why you thought telegraphing your intentions to your prey was a good idea, unless you wanted to overwhelm and terrify your victim. But I will say this: as I saw you emerge from the aisle, stomping your sneakered feet, your lank blond hair swinging around your face like Predator locks as you did your monster walk, I knew that you were the future of our nation. May you grow up to attack your destiny with that same monstrous ferocity. Just don’t follow up your barbaric roar with constant cries of “Daddy, look”. Daddy’s trying to buy Magic: The Gathering cards in peace.

RAAAAAAAAAAAR Queen City Confidential is an open forum for Prairie Dog readers to anonymously share their petty rants, workplace gripes, romantic woes and whimsical observations about little monsters. E-mail your submission to confidential@prairiedogmag.com (type CONFIDENTIAL in the subject field). Change everyone’s names and identifying details. Submissions must be 100-200 words and covered in iridescent scales, perhaps spattered with the imaginary blood of your victims.