BONUS COLUMN by Kevin Pusch
Let’s get right to the point. When will dudes get their own International Men’s Day? You can’t have International Women’s Day for ladies but no International Men’s Day for guys! It’s a total double standard!
But I’m a fair person with an open mind. Maybe there’s something here I’m not seeing? I should at least give women the chance to justify their sexist holiday to me.
So last week, I went to a local bar to demand explanations from female strangers.
The first chick I saw was a total fox so I thought she would know about International Women’s Day. Apparently not! She wouldn’t even talk to me! She just stared at me like I had spiders on my face.*
I figured she was foreign so I started talking slowly and loudly to her, but then I got kicked out. So much for that plan.
It was clear I was on my own with this one. So I thought about International Women’s Day real hard. I thought and I thought and I thought until my head went numb. Or maybe that was the weed. Anyway, that’s when it came to me.
If you look at it using history, International Women’s Day *almost* makes sense.
Before International Women’s Day was invented, life was probably very difficult for chicks. For example, during the War of 1812 Canadian ladies had to pay taxes without representation! On top of that, there were no washing machines in those days, so gals had to scrub dirty clothes in lakes and other nearby bodies of water. That would probably suck.
So we can’t really blame the girls of olden times for making up International Women’s Day.
Anyway, you know what? It’s 2016! Women aren’t a minority without the same rights as normal people anymore. Today we let them have jobs and many other equal things.
It’s time we guys get our own International Men’s Day. Because when push comes to shove, it’s not fair that women all get March 8 off but I still have to go to work.
And unless you support discrimination, I know you’ll agree with me.
*One time Kevin Pusch’s mattress had a centipede nest explode in it, but that’s another column.