My horrible neighbour snores and chokes all night and conducts business on speakerphone all day. I listen. Why not? One of his managers has a dark, disembodied voice which is an amusing contrast to neighbourman’s soft-spoken tone. Yesterday, out of nowhere, Mr. Mild-Manners starts screaming, “WHERE’S MY MONKEY? WHERE’S MY MONKEY?” I’m sure you’ll get the monkey that’s coming to you, man. Also, your ringtones are annoying — please change them.

MONKEY MAN, TELL ME WHAT THE STORY IS Queen City Confidential is an open forum for Prairie Dog readers to anonymously share their petty rants, workplace gripes, pathetic love lives and complaints about friends and family. You can say nice things too (but why). E-mail your submission to confidential@prairiedogmag.com (type CONFIDENTIAL in the subject field). Change everyone’s names and identifying details. Submissions must be 100-200 words, and might be published in our sister paper Planet S in Saskatoon, which makes it even less likely someone will figure out who you are. No choking, snoring or nocturnal monkey noises.