Pusch Comes To Shove

I’m Getting The Feeling You People Like Syrians More Than You Like Me

BONUS COLUMN by Kevin Pusch

pusch

Like most people, I’m a white guy in my late 20s who likes sports, trucks, brewskis and babes. You’d think life would be pretty sweet for a normal fella like me. But you know what? You’d be wrong.

I’m starting to get the feeling you all like Syrians more than you like me.

I know it sounds crazy, but hear me out.

It started last fall. All of a sudden, everyone wanted Canada to take in Syrian refugees. I guess there’s a war or something? Well, I made a joke on Facebook about how if we wanted to help real refugees we should open our doors to Albertans, because they’re fleeing a communist government. Get it? Because Alberta voted NDP by accident?

It only got three likes. Three. And no comments. Not even an “LOL”. And I’ve got almost 40 Facebook friends!

It’s not just Syrians — I’m sensing you guys like chicks more than you like me, too. I was trash-talking my ex yesterday and my best friend Phil cut me off and took her side! Phil said there was nothing wrong with Tracy breaking up me. He said she had the right to live her own life and didn’t owe me anything!

He even accused me of “whining,” and said maybe I deserved to be dumped because I have a “bad attitude”! WTF, Phil! What happened to “bros before ho’s”?

Between wanting to help Syrians and sticking up for women, everyone’s a social justice warrior these days. It’s got me baffled. I used to just open my mouth and say what I think, but the way things are going it might be safer to keep my opinions to myself.

Saskatchewan used to be a great place for a guy like me, but I’m honestly starting to wonder if I belong here. Thanks, Justin Trudeau. Good job.

Kevin Pusch is baffled. Baffled we tell you.

2016-01-21

One thought on “Pusch Comes To Shove”

  1. As someone working towards my masters in anti-oppressive eduction, I of course have found this piece more interesting and complicated to sort through than anything else I have read through in recent history.
    I would love to get in touch with the author to find out which elements in this piece are satire, if any; or the publisher to find out the authenticity of the authors sentiments. I have read it a handful of times and shared it with colleagues and so if the hoped effect was attention, it worked. However, it is not clearly enough satire OR genuine. It seems to sit somewhere in the middle. I would love to know more, specifically the point of the article, the desired goal it had, and the level of authenticity to it. A response would be great appreciated.

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