How Canada’s most malevolent Prime Minister sent this once-great country to Hell

ELECTION FEATURE by Stephen Whitworth

harperdevil“This miserable way is taken by the sorry souls of those who lived without disgrace and without praise. They now commingle with the coward angels, the company of those who were not rebels nor faithful to their God, but stood apart. The heavens, that their beauty not be lessened, have cast them out, nor will deep Hell receive them — even the wicked cannot glory in them.” ― Dante Alighieri, Inferno

The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.” —John F. Kennedy, based on an interpretation of the preceding verse

Last issue I bragged Prairie Dog writers could hurl 10,000 words of scorn at the worst prime minister in this country’s history without breaking a sweat. Turns out that’s not entirely true. First off, we sweat a lot when we’re writing about our execrable PM, because he is a despicable and loathsome creature, and the topic gets us worked up.

Second: newspaper pages don’t hold as many words as we’d like, so you’re only getting 6,200 or so. Trust us, we could’ve written a lot more.

Still, 6,200 words is a lot to read. To make it easy on you we’ve organized it into eight digestible verses you can peruse at your leisure. Want to power through the whole thing in one shot? That’s cool, too! Brew a nice cup of tea and take this newspaper into the bathroom for your morning meditation. Some might even irreverently suggest the bathroom is the best place to read Prairie Dog. Maybe! But it’s sure as hell the most fitting place to read about Prime Minister Stephen Harper.

Canto 1: Facts