weekly-reckoningGood afternoon. Has anyone else here made paella? It’s gobsmackingly easy. For years I believed that Iberian households spent every Sunday on the preparation and production on that most labour-intensive of dishes. Now I find out that you can knock one of those dishes together in 30 minutes. I made a vegetarian version last week and it went off without a hitch.

For tonight’s paella I’ve consulted my cookbooks and taken a prod at the world of online recipes, and so far I’m most amused by Jamie Oliver’s seafood paella recipe. His ingredients list includes “10 king prawns, from sustainable sources, ask your fishmonger.”* That’s right Jamie, I’m going to pop off to my local fishmonger with some ethical questions. Sure hope I don’t end up querying a costermonger by mistake. The very thought of it.

1. FORMER CIA MEMBER THINKS TORTURE REPORT MIGHT BE BAD FOR CIA Well duh. Meanwhile, Dick Cheney spent some time reflecting on the situation and said he would torture people again “in a minute.” Dick, what if that precious minute is just too long?

2. THE MUMPS IS JUST ABOUT READY TO FORM ITS OWN NHL TEAM Sidney Crosby is the 13th NHL player to be diagnosed with the mumps. There are no reports on how many mumps Crosby has, but we can be certain that it’s more than just one mump.


4. UBER IS COMING FOR YOUR ESTABLISHED MODES OF TRANSPORTATION, REGINA The City of Regina is reviewing taxi bylaws in preparation for the inevitable arrival of Uber. What will taxi companies do when Uber’s alien ships arrive and blot out the sun with their sheer mass? What will we do when the Uber smartphone app steals the water from our bodies and sends it off to Uber headquarters, which is located deep beneath the surface of the moon? I think the city should take these factors into account.

5. 44 GUNS OF MYSTERY Regina police have still not recovered 44 of 52 guns stolen from Regina’s Wholesale Sports in 2011. Maybe the thieves are trying to assemble 68 guns?

*Also this: “2 small squid, from sustainable sources, ask your fishmonger, halved and scored, optional.” I’m glad we’re not required to get ethical seafood answers from a halved and scored fishmonger.