1 PAPERS FILED Rob Ford is running for mayor of Toronto again. Good luck with that.
2 WILL HARPER GO? Here’s where things stand for the horrible Conservatives at the start of 2014.
3 I’M SURE THEY’LL TAKE IT UNDER CONSIDERATION The New York Times and The Guardian call for the dogs to be called off hero whistle-blower Edward Snowden. Editorials here (NYT) and here (Guardian), summary here.
4 SCIENCE HAPPENS BY ACCIDENT Read all about the world’s nuclear test monitoring network. It’s interesting stuff.
5 STRIPPING IN BARS IS LEGAL, NIPPLES AND GROINS REMAIN BANNED You’re a strange place, Saskatchewan.
6 THAT’S IT. NO MORE DONKEY MEAT FOR ME The secret ingredient in Five Spice Donkey Meat is fox. Best sentence in this story: “Donkey meat is not a Chinese staple meat dish, but is commonly consumed as a snack.”
BONERS BONUS: THIS MAN HAS TWO DONGS A guy with two penises did a Q&A on Reddit. It’s a very explicit and fascinating discussion. Gay men love ’em. Some straight women love ’em and some “run screaming”. And there are photos of the penises. Now I wish I had two wieners.
DANCING Tom Hiddleston verses Benedict Cumberbatch, activate!