6-in-the-morning1. APPARENTLY IT’S NEWS TO SOME PEOPLE THAT COLONISTS ONCE SIGNED TREATIES WITH FIRST NATIONS A teenager in Balcarres was told to not wear her “Got Land? Thank An Indian!” sweatshirt in school. Fortunately, patient leaders from the Star Blanket First Nation explained Canadian history to school officials and now everything is okay.

2. PIPE BOMBS ARE NOT ALLOWED ON PLANES. PIPE BOMBERS? NO PROBLEMO! Wow. I know airport security gets a lot of grief: overzealous searches, nudie x-ray machines, racial profiling, lethal tasering, etc. But really, it’s okay to arrest passengers carrying pipe bombs. Prairie Dog will not shit on you for arresting them. I promise.

3. CALGARY’S MAYOR FIGHTS BACK AGAINST DEVELOPER LAWSUIT I hope you’re following this interesting story about how developers behave when they’re criticized for trying to take control of city governments. And then, as a thought experiment, you should ponder the connections between Regina politicians and developers.

4. NEVER TRUST A KNIFE GUY Failed muggers have been stabbing citizens in the Centre Square neighbourhood south of downtown. Hey, that’s where I live!

5. GUNS MAKE GOOD NEIGHBOURS Douche shoots and kills pet St. Bernard, owner assaults douche, court ensues. Let’s hear it for St. Denis, Saskatchewan! Thanks goodness this guy had a gun. If he’d lived in my neighbourhood he’d have had to stab the dog.

6. MORE GANG RAPE IN INDIA A tourist was savagely attacked in Delhi, but the real story is this bit:

Every week India’s media describe attacks on women across the country, often involving several men and frequently resulting in the death of the victim.


MOVIE PROMOTION PRANK GUARANTEED TO BE BETTER THAN MOVIE There’s an upcoming movie about the Antichrist. It looks adequate, I guess? But this is amusing.