Underwear Flap

QCCAn urgent message for those considering the gift of underwear this holiday season: DON’T BUY MEN GOTCH WITH NO FLAP IN THE FRONT. How are we supposed to take a whiz when we can’t get “you know what” to daylight? You can’t pull down a waistband through trouser fly-holes. It’s ridiculous and dangerous. It involves stretching fabric and flesh, and often results in pain and unsightly pant stains.

You know what happens when you bend a garden hose while the water is running? Yeah: pressure builds and creates all manner of uncontrollable spray. That’s what flapless underwear does.

The front flap on underwear MUST be made mandatory. It’s time to take this to the powers that pee above us. Let’s make sure Premier Wall, Prime Minister Harper and their sometimes wet-spotted cabinet members get the message.

Flapless ginch has taken the “whee” out of my wees. I want it back! /Anonymous

YOU’RE IN TROUBLE NOW Queen City Confidential is ideal for whining about broken hearts, exasperating personal dramas, petty injustices and inadequate undergarments. You can write boring nice things too. E-mail rants or raves to confidential@prairiedogmag.com (type CONFIDENTIAL in the subject field). Change all names and identifying details. Submissions must be 100-200 words long.