Mooah ha ha ha haaa! Velcome, my freends and fiends, to a very special eee-shoo oof “Regina’s Spooky Alternative!” Eeenside, you vill find terrifying horrors zat vill frighten you so mooch, you might very vell poop your pants!
Do you theenk I am kiddink, pants-poopers? That I am pooling your legs? Trust me, I vould only pull your legs eef I vere goink to zuck all ze bloooood oot oof theem!
Ha-ah-ah-ahhh!
Here are some of ze blood-curdlink theengs you vill find eeenside ze new Scary Dog!
SPARKS BUT NO FIRE Ze new government agency Creative Saskatchewan ees tasked vith promoting arteests who are doink vork vith commercial viabileety, ah ha ha! But vill eet save ze film eendustry, vhich has been chased avay by Brad Vall? No eet vill not! Vanda Schmöckel und her Transylvanian umlaut writes thees very scary story!
CURRENT A-FEARS Do you geet eet? It ees a pun on ze phrase “current affairs”! Ha-ah-ah-ah! Paul ” Diabolical” Dechene brings you oop to date on ze latest “noose”, und also, costume suggestions!
ZE ZOMBIEOLOGIST Vith a last name like “Ozog”, you vould theenk zat our Street Scare profile vould be a goblin, not a human! But Cassie ees a human! A human who has tamed ze very scary zombies on her very scary roller derby team! “Ashley “Rotten” Rankin reports!
13 HORRORS OOF REGINA Scary Dog’s bravest writers varn you about such frightening monsters as ze Boom Kaiju*, ze Ghosts Oof Ze Film Eendustry, ze body-snatching New Democratic Pods From Space und ze horrible und fearsome Regina Dentata! Read thees at your peril, and eenjoy ze “ill”-ustrations (ha ha!) by “Undead” Dakota McFadzean!
UND THEES THEENGS! Howling Dogs, Queen City Cthulhu, My Muzeek vith Scary Dogs, ze Mayor oof ze Sea, Halloween movies, books und activities, Sound Hex und mooch, mooch more!
Truly, this eee-shoo oof Scary Dog must be read een the bathroom, because eet ees so horrifying zat no reader’s pants vill be un-pooped!
Mooah-ah ha ha ha haaah!
*Ze spooky spellcheek changed zis to “Boom Kailua” een ze actual printed papper und ve deed not noteece! Ve feexed eet on ze veb, zo. Typos: ze scariest theeng oof all!
