1 ONTARIO PRESS COUNCIL LOOKS INTO ROB FORD’S CRACK The ombudsman organization holds public hearings today on complaints that the Toronto Star ran meanie-poo stories about Rob Ford, Toronto’s tough-on-crime mayor who, Star reporters say, appeared on a cell phone video smoking what appears to be crack. A second hearing will look at an in-depth feature by the Globe And Mail that alleged Ford’s brother Doug was a mid-level drug dealer in the 1980s.
2 RENTAL HOUSING CRISIS COLLATERAL DAMAGE A Whitmore Park landlord gives rooming houses — and Regina — a bad name.
3 KISSES AGAINST PUTIN There was a global protest against Russia’s insane homophobia yesterday, which is the kind of thing that needs to happen when a country floats bananapants laws that would let authorities kidnap the children of LGBT parents. Here’s some stuff on protests in Canada. Anybody know if anything happened here?
4 SNEAKY, SNEAKY VOLCANO The world’s largest volcano has been discovered hiding in the Pacific ocean, two kilometres below the surface. The 310,000 sq. km volcano is as big as a Martian volcano that’s the largest known in the solar system. Experts say it’s unlikely to erupt. I’m sure that’s exactly what it wants us to think.
5 SYRIA BUSINESS The U.S. gives Syria a week to surrender its chemical weapons, Syria says don’t even think about attacking us, a German newspaper says Assad didn’t order no chemical attacks, Russia says it will give the country a stern talking-to about chemical weapons and the United States says any strike on Syria would be super-duper teeny-tiny.
6 HOW A FIRST WORLD SOCIETY CARES FOR 107 YEAR-OLD CITIZENS It sends in SWAT teams to shoot them.
A NEW “REFLEKTORS” (=ARCADE FIRE!!!) SONG TONIGHT How exciting! Here’s a supercool trailer that has SNAKES* in it! Hooray!
*Children’s pythons, to be specific. They’re reportedly very placid reptiles that can live to 30 years in captivity.