So you got a gym membership for Christmas and made a resolution to get in shape in 2014. Good for you. Please start off slowly. It’s very annoying to us regulars when you spend two hours in the gym, five days a week, crowding things up for the first three and a half weeks in January then disappearing, never to be seen again. You know there’s nothing wrong with a half-hour workout, right? If you want to put in 10 hours a week after years of inactivity, work your way up to it. That way you won’t die from a heart attack — or more likely, a 20-pound dumbbell rammed through your dumb New Year’s resolution-filled brain by an annoyed year-rounder who got tired of waiting for you to get off the damn treadmill. /Anonymous


PUMP IT UP Queen City Confidential is an open forum for Prairie Dog readers to anonymously over-share their stories and fee-fees. E-mail confidential@prairiedogmag.com (type CONFIDENTIAL in the subject field). Change all names and identifying details. Submissions must be 100-200 words long and will be edited though hopefully not much. Next issue is Jan. 9, so get those rants in soon. Ya noobs.