The Man of Steel responds to critics
by Superman
Hello, super friends! How’s it going? Are you ready for my latest, greatest movie, Man Of Steel? Yeah? Super fist-bump atcha!
Wait, what’s that? Did someone just dis my new costume?
You! Nerdface! You totally did! Do you think I can’t hear you? Remember, I’ve got super ears! And when you trash-talk my outfit, they start super-burning!
You said my new uniform “sucks kryptonite balls” and I should put my red shorts back on!
Well, forget it!
Look: I understand why a pathetic nerd like you cares so much about my pants. You have no life, and when a 75-year-old comic book icon like me changes his traditional (but totally ridiculous) underwear-on-the-outside get-up, it turns your miserable little nerd-world upside down.
Get over it. Times and styles change, and if a hero doesn’t keep up he’ll become yesterday’s Superman. And we don’t want that, right? Right.
Here’s what really pisses me off, nerd-wad: you said I got rid of my shorts because they were “too much like ladies’ underpants.” Are you insinuating that I’m a misogynist who’s insecure about his masculinity? LOL dude, please. Have you SEEN my massive muscles and full spread of chest hair? I could wear a ballroom gown and heels, and I’d still be manlier than anyone in your little D&D club.
And no, I didn’t cave to pressure from “comic-hating studio suits who said my classic outfit was old-fashioned.” I’m no corporate stooge, pal — I’m my own (super) man and I decide what I wear.
The bottom line, wimplord, is I don’t care what you think. I like my new underwear-free threads.
You want to talk about something? I suggest my big, blue super-bulge. You never noticed THAT when I wore red panties, didja?
