The ’70s singer was a space invader

by Colby C. Void

The name “John Denver” conjures up images of a bright-eyed, mountain-loving, guitar-plucking, folk-singing 1970s dreamboat. But this eerily charming man was far, far away from the simple six-stringed hippy he appeared to be.

John Denver was a child of the stars.

Denver was “born” Henry John Deutschendorf Jr. on Dec. 31, 1943 to a military family in Roswell, New Mexico — the same Roswell that, in 1947, was home to the best known UFO incident in history. Coincidence? Was Denver truly human? Or did li’l H.J. steal his pappy’s saucer and crash into the woods? Maybe H.J. Senior had some extraterrestrial pals over for some space scotch and got a little carried away. A UFO DUI isn’t out of the question. Denver had his own well-documented drinking problems. Like space-father, like space-son.

John Denver’s fascination with flight is another key to this mystery. Why would a man so concerned with environmental issues fly a plane recreationally? Flying is one of the WORST things you can do to the environment. There must be another reason for all those flights. Was Denver communicating with his heavenly ancestors? It’s simple: when you’re in a plane, you’re closer to space.

You’re also closer to space when you’re on the top of a mountain, which explains Denver’s obsession with them. But I don’t believe that was the only reason H.J. Deutsch had a “Rocky Mountain High.” Perhaps his home planet was filled with mountains and he pined for them. It’s quite romantic actually.

Which brings us to the most compelling piece of evidence: John Denver was “killed” when he crashed into the ocean while piloting an experimental airplane. Who crashes into the ocean? Boats don’t even crash into the ocean. And they’re IN the ocean! On top of that, Denver’s “body” was mangled beyond recognition. Convenient.

Come on. John Denver’s not dead. He finally had enough of earth (and dwindling popularity), took his jet plane and left on it. To space.

Colby C. Void is a cosmic numerologist, paranormal psychologist and head dishwasher at a south end Regina pub. He’s read John Denver’s entire Wikipedia page and watched most of a music video. Look for him at Regina events including Red Hot Riot and Combat Improv.