1. THE ZOMBIEPOCALYPSE WILL COME ON TINY, RAPIDLY BEATING WINGS. What’s new in British Columbia? Apparently “zombie bees,” which are disturbing the old good people of Surrey. Infected by a parasitic fly, the bees fly around erratically at night until they die. Those flies have not thought this host-parasite relationship through. Also, scroll down the article to find out about apple maggots, European fire ants and a host of other tiny creatures that are turning Canada’s western terminus into a hellscape of bad fruit harvests.

2. THIS IS THE SORT OF THING THAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DATE KATY PERRY. Sons of Anarchy actor Johnny Lewis went and allegedly¬†killed an 81 year-old woman, attacked a couple of guys with a 2×4, then fell to his death and the ground from a roof. I don’t know what to say about this, but Lewis dated Katy Perry in 2005-2006, so maybe the half-life from Perry exposure is not as brief as scientists previously supposed.

3. LOUVRE MUSEUM WEIGHS IN ON LOUVRE MUSEUM’S POSITION ON PAINTING SIMILAR TO OTHER PAINTING IN LOUVRE MUSEUM. Just read the second to last (ya know, penultimate) paragraph in this story on the “Islesworth Mona Lisa.” Then re-read that paragraph. Keep reading it for a couple of hours. Now you’re ready to join Scientology or watch a holiday-themed romantic comedy or something.

4. J.K. ROWLINGS’ NEW BOOK IS GREAT, GOOD, OKAY, TERRIBLE, MUGGLED. There’s no doubt that The Casual Vacancy, J.K. Rowling’s non-Potter novel about class, politics and sexiness in rural England, is selling like Stephen King on meth. But the reviews are all over the map, if the map in question charted critical opinion and not, say, rest stops.

HOLY FREAKING BONUS ITEM. Read this interview with Steven Martin, a man who got into collecting antique opium paraphernalia. And then opium.