I’m filing this two hours before the Oscars. This edition of the Academy Awards could go down as one of the most boring in history, as no major upsets are expected.

This is how it will go down:

Best Picture: The Artist. It’s an okay movie, but certainly not worth all the hype. With my personal favorites Shame, Melancholia and Drive not in the running, I’ll be hoping for an upset (Hugo and Midnight in Paris, either one).

Best Director: Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist. Really? With Woody Allen, Martin Scorsese and Terrence Malick in the running? Not fair, but then again, I don’t vote.

Best Actor: Jean Dujardin, The Artist. Yep, The Artist again. Nostalgia is the laziest way to earn your stripes. C’mon Clooney. Even better, Gary Oldman.

Best Actress: Viola Davis, The Help. Even though Meryl Streep was far more impressive in The Iron Lady, Davis is due.

Best Supporting Actor: Christopher Plummer, Beginners. No contest here, and actually deserved. My favorite, Albert Brooks (Drive), wasn’t even nominated.

Best Supporting Actress: Octavia Spencer, The Help. Sure, Spencer was the second most noticeable player in The Help, but Jessica Chastain was impressive in FOUR movies last year (The Help, The Debt, The Tree of Life and Take Shelter). My heart lies with her. Figurativelly speaking. I’m not a stalker or anything. Shut up.

I’ll be live blogging the Oscars on Twitter (@jicastillo). If you like snark, it’s the way to go.