1 SO NOW HE HAS ACCOMPLICES Norway’s number-one crazy, evil bastard now says he was working with two terrorist cells. Also, he hates women. Also, fewer people are dead than believed, so that’s good.
2 MARKETS ARE DOWN AS U.S. DEBT BATTLE CONTINUES Well, maybe the men who play the markets shouldn’t back politicians who don’t understand math and are willing to take the global economy hostage to have their every demand met. Story here.
3 JIM DROPS HIS BALSILLIE That doesn’t even make any sense. But Reasearch In Motion is laying off 2,000 people, which is probably a really, really bad sign for the company behind the Blackberry.
4 IT SORTA LOOKS LIKE SYRIA MIGHT GET OUT FROM UNDER ITS DICTATORSHIP Political parties: now legal. And it only took a couple thousand violent deaths.
5 LIKE A GARGANTUAN, MELTING POISON POPSICLE Here’s another fun problem that comes with global warming and a melting polar icecap: the release of unknown amounts of toxic chemicals.
6 REFIT THAT SHIT The prime minister’s residence needs an eco-friendly overhaul. Actually it needs massive work to keep it from falling apart, period. So far, Stephen Harper can’t be bothered. But I thought conservatives liked history and heritage?
EPIC MORNING VIDEO BONUS: THE GREATEST AUTOTUNED NEWS STORY EVER, WHICH IS ABOUT A YEAR OLD BUT WE JUST DISCOVERED IT AND IT’S SOOO GREAT
First, watch this for context:
Then, crank the volume and enjoy this.
Good morning!