1 CONSERVATIVES SAY CUTTING FOUR BILLION BUCKS IN SPENDING IS NO BIG DEAL Well, it’s certainly a fancy goal. And a fine one — because “We All Know” that “Governments Waste Our Money” right? This is just “Common Sense”, people!
2 A BELOVED WOMAN WAS MURDERED Just horrible.
3 FUKUSHIMA: BAD RAD TWICE AS SAD A lot more radiation was released in Japan’s nuclear accident than we thought.
4 FREAK BEAR ACCIDENT KILLS TWO Weird and tragic.
5 NHLAPALOOZA: BOSTON DESTROYS VANCOUVER AND MAKES IT A SERIES! THE B’S STAR SCORER IS OUT FOR THE REST OF THE FINALS WITH A SEVERE CONCUSSION! HOW ABOUT TIM THOMAS? AND EAT IT, TICKET SCALPING SCUM!!! Except for Aaron Rome’s late hit that wrecked Nathan Horton, which sucked to watch, I had a blast watching the game last night. And I’m rooting for Vancouver. But c’maaaannnn, who doesn’t like Boston? And Bruin’s goalie Tim Thomas is a terrific bodychecker. Also, nice to see Winnipeg’s new owners cracking down on scumbags who bought season tickets for the unnamed* team just to resell them at massively inflated prices.
6 HEADLINE OF THE DAY “Federal Conservatives’ website hacked, reports of Harper choking on hash brown false”. Someone at the Toronto Star is scribbling good display copy.
BONUS VIDEO: DON’T FEED THE GREAT WHITE SHARKS Unless you’re really, really good at it. Nicked from Slog but has been online for a couple of years.
*You know what name I suggest? Jets!
