1. THAT ARNOLD, HE’S A WILY ONE. According to divorce experts, it’s unusual for a man to lead a secret life and father a child with a member of the household staff. Unless you’re a Tudor, I suppose.
2. COME WITH ME AND YOU’LL BE IN A WORLD OF PURE AMORTIZATION. Ever wondered what the cast of the original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory are up to these days? Me neither! But that hasn’t stopped the Today Show from finding out:
Christ, they’re all actors, accountants or ‘financial consultants’. That’s the last 40 years in a nutshell. (via Boing Boing)
3. JUST THE FLASHES, MA’AM. Kim Walker testified in court Tuesday, where he is on trial for the murder of his daughter’s then-boyfriend James Hayward. He claimed that his memory of the actual events is unclear – “just brief flashes” of the incident.
4. THE DANES ARE COMING. Leaked documents suggest that Denmark is going to sneak all up in our North Poles and lay itself some claim to that featureless frozen waste of ice. This largely symbolic gesture will supposedly take place at some point before a 2014 deadline set by the UN. Unfortunately, this will probably not spark a war of syrup-wielding Canadians vs. doughty Danes with their pickled fish and other Danish things, such as The Hague Copenagen and a shambling golem that dreamed it was Hans Christian Anderson but now exists to serve the will of its dark Danish master.
I found that picture by googling “danish golem” and picking the first image that made the least bit of sense.
5. PARVAZ RELEASED. Canadian journalist Dorothy Parvaz has been released from Iranian custody. Parvaz, who also holds Iranian citizenship, was detained trying to enter Syria to cover the civil unrest there for al-Jazeera. She is currently in Doha, Qatar.
6. CANNES IS DUMB. Terrence Malick’s film Tree Of Life received boos while Jodie Foster and Mel Gibson’s The Beaver was greeted with “rapturous applause” and whoops of delight. Presumably the audience did not consist of warmongering Jews, women with breasts of sugar, or men of African descent who can’t control their libidos around provocatively dressed Russian women who’ve had children with Mel Gibson. It’s pretty safe to say that Gibson has alienated that particular demographic. And anyway, I think it would have to be a very specific film to attract an audience like that.
